City Slippers

“They've been winning in style for weeks,” the article starts in naturally glib fashion, “now Manchester City’s hotshots have fashioned another winner - by taking to the catwalk.” Quite how one would be able to bring themselves to read beyond this tirade of achingly mediocre journalism I’m not sure but I pressed on painfully, in the interests of research. I shan’t put you through what I had to endure, only relay to you the basic premise of the piece – Manchester City players modelled some clothes for a charity do. “Hero striker Carlos Tevez led from the front, looking relaxed as he showcased the latest neon jacket from Dolce and Gabbana,” were the chosen words to lead us to this image:

There he is, our hero at the front, looking relaxed. I am bound by moral code to reiterate at this point that this was all for charity, which obviously justifies this unashamed fawning over these kickers of round leather. Organiser Shay Given (City goalkeeper – keep up at the back) said, “It's the first time a lot of the lads at City have done it. It’s very much out of their comfort zone ...the catwalk is definitely more frightening. There’s no comparison.” So brave heroes as well as relaxed ones. Well done you brave, brave boys – not only do you throw yourselves to the mercy of perfectly rolled and preened patches of grass for a whole hour and a half each week, you also had the guts – that’s right, the guts – to walk down a platform in some grossly expensive clothes and have your photos taken. You, City players...men...icons...heroes...are an example to us all. Isn’t that right, Carlos? Go on, give us that winning smile.


Good boy.