Chilli+Chocolate = Chilli Chocolate!

We get some strange emails here, as I’ve mentioned in the past, but we also get some good ones. Thorntons have been emailing me a lot lately, for some reason, so I thought I’d email them back. But what do you say to the ‘number one chocolate and confectionery brand in the UK’? All I could really think of was ‘can we have some chocolate please?’, so that’s what I said. And they, very kindly, sent me some.

Naturally, it’s a sample of their latest line that they’re looking to promote but hey, we’re not fussy in this office. Chilli chocolate is the line they’re currently running for a limited period – a mix of chocolate and, you guessed it, chilli. Kind of tastes just like chocolate to us. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice chocolate, but the only thing chilli about it is a slight – very slight – tingle in the mouth accompanying the aftertaste. Maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be like. Let’s read a bit of blurb:

“The overtones of intense, single origin, Mexican dark chocolate, perfectly complements the subtle warmth of the real chilli infusion. The chilli notes are subtle, yet warming as we’ve infused the cocoa butter ourselves with real chillis to make sure we’ve got the taste just right.”

Exactly – that’s what we meant. It does also come in funky little red boxes. Have a look:


I like the sound of some of their other flavours in these little boxes, like Orange & Cardamom, Special Toffee and Mint. Mmmmm...toffee. Not so sure about some of the others in the range though. Balsamic chocolate anyone? Sounds weird to me.

There’s 19 flavours in their Chocolate Block range, including those mentioned above as well as Fairtrade Organic, 85% French Dark, Ginger in Dark, Papua New Guinea Milk and AntioxiChoc BerryBoost and more, all available in a Thorntons store near you now!

Britain's Talent

My interaction with talent-themed TV shows could to date only be described as fleeting. The last time the presumptuously named Britain’s Got Talent was aired I was out of the country, but it’s a fairly safe bet that I wouldn’t have been avidly tuning in. There’s something about slightly desperate, disillusioned, largely talent-less ordinary folk putting themselves up for a good bit of patronising that does nothing for me.

I think there’s also a certain part of me that simply doesn’t believe it. People don’t really want to go on these programmes, do they? People don’t voluntarily put themselves up for this crap, do they? Well, it seems they do, as I discovered at The Lowry the other day, faced as I was with this scene:

People had water supplies, packed lunches and warm clothing in preparation, presumably, for the long wait before they were allowed in to meet those haloed pillars of humanity – the judges! Ah yes, those famed judges. If there’s one thing that confuses me more about these things than the fact that people enter at all, it’s the seeming obliviousness, and enthusiasm, with which these ‘judges’ egos are massaged.

I suppose I shouldn’t completely dismiss the pursuit of dreams, which this exercise is supposed to be about, but...well, I can’t help it. I just felt like going up to everyone in the queue and asking them what they really thought would happen. The fact that they might get on TV would, probably, depressingly, be the stock answer.

Dirty Hotels

So the dust has settled on this little furore and what are we to learn? Well, some of the cheaper hotels in Manchester are dirty. OK, so maybe not just dirty – filthy. Which?, that self-appointed bastion of consumer advice, found a selection of the following in some of the hotels around the city: mould on sheets, urine on toilets, mould in bathrooms, blood on duvets, a hamster in a Gideon Bible. That last one’s not true.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not that surprised. I mean, urine on the toilet pedestal? No way! How on earth did that get there? And who even looks at that bit of the can anyway, let alone touches it? Blood on the sheets – well, hard to get out I would imagine. Mould in the bathroom – is there a well used bathroom in the world that doesn’t have a bit of mould in it somewhere? I must admit, I am slightly perplexed by the ‘mould on the sheets’ one. I’d be hard pushed to do that if I tried, unless I kept them in the shed. Maybe that’s the thing – shed storage. Note to Travelodge: ditch the sheds. Here's a picture of an infamous dirty bed:

It’s possible I’m being a bit flippant as my idea of a properly dirty hotel room would involve a variety of unwanted creatures and some firm fluid evidence of the previous occupants. They do have a point though, I suppose, especially when you consider that these supposed ‘budget’ hotels are still charging around the £70 a night mark for a room.

I liked the responses from the various hotel chains the best though. Faced with such a public and seemingly damning report, you would expect the hotels’ PR to make something of the right noises. Ibis had the right idea. Their spokesperson said:

"We have clear procedures in place to ensure that housekeeping standards are to the highest levels. Clearly the Which? investigation indicates that those procedures are not being implemented in some cases and we have taken immediate remedial actions to ensure we deliver the standards of cleanliness that all our guests have the right to expect."

Well done Ibis. Travelodge had a slightly different approach. This is what their spokesperson had to say:

“We reject any suggestion that Which? or our customers should be concerned at the level of bacteria found in Which's report. According to a leading independent micro biologist that reviewed Which?'s findings, the levels of bacteria found were so low that they could not cause any health risk whatsoever.”

Problem? What problem?

All that aside, the most important piece of information to come out of this report is that if you want to stay in a 'cheap' hotel in Manchester, go to one of the three Premier Inns or the Jury's Inn. They were spotless.

Vacancy: Hermit

Story of the week has to go to the 'Hermit Wanted' advert placed by Manchester Museum. They're looking for someone to sit in their tower for eight weeks with no contact with the world. Here’s the tower:

Sounds alright to me – I’m thinking a good stack of computer games, some decent food, a few good books and nice bit of peace and quiet. That’s not what they have in mind though, unfortunately. They want the ‘artist’ to “communicate their experiences” with the outside world through art and think about things like climate change and world issues and stuff like that. Sounds like hard work to me. I thought hermits were pretty chilled out little fellas with beards who didn’t talk to people that much. Here’s one:

Maybe I could apply and if I got the ‘job’ spend my time as described above. My communication with the world would be absolutely nothing, thereby fulfilling the true notion of a hermit. I’d even be prepared to grow a beard.