Football Parking

Footballers are a funny breed. Young men paid astronomical amounts of money to kick a pig skin around a patch of grass. Easy job really, if you think about it. You just have to be quite good at a relatively basic activity. So what do young men do with astronomical amounts of money when they’re not kicking things around or going to night clubs and getting into fights? Enter, at this point, El Hadji Diouf.

Mr Hadji Diouf (we’ll call him El from now on) is reasonably typical of your modern footballer in that he likes to spend a portion of his wage on automobiles. Everyone likes a nice car, right? And if you’re being paid lots of thousands of pounds a week, why not spend a little of that on a nice car? So he did:

Ouch. My eyes are hurting. Not from the shine, which is considerable, but from the unfathomable awfulness of the thing. El is in the news a lot around these parts as he has a penchant for parking his tacky beasts with scant regard for the local parking laws. £80 parking fines are as common for him as a trip to the petrol station it seems and they are collected with an apparent arrogance that is beginning to wear a little thin with the good people of Manchester. Here is another of his garish purchases, parked with the least of appreciation:

His misdemeanours smart for most not because of the lack of taste on display but the lack of respect – respect for the law and for the ordinary citizens of this country, most of whom obey local parking laws. £80 is, of course, but small change for El, so fines aren’t really going to wake him up to the impact of his indiscretions. But what will? While I think about it, here’s a picture of yet another of his contributions to climate change:

That really is a lack of decorum personified. I’ve still not thought of what could be done to help El see the error of his ways. Let’s have a look at another one:

That’s not so bad, I suppose. Apart from the customised lettering, attention seeking number plate and over the top wheels and skirt. At least the colour’s a little less...err...less. Maybe it’s waiting to be dipped into a vat of metallic purple paint, or something. Anyway, as for an appropriate stimulator for El’s conscience, I’ll have to think about that for a bit. Any suggestions?