ID Manchester

It seems Manchester is to become national guinea pig and be the first city to trial the Government’s latest attempt to glean money from us at every available opportunity and monitor our every move while reducing us all to mere statistics – that’s right people, ID cards are coming to town. Here's a little unofficial FAQ, in an interview style that seems to be inexplicably popular amongst apparently ‘on pulse’ publications these days, on the whole ID card issue:

What is it?

It’s a card that confirms your identification. Your name, date of birth, eye colour, height, dress sense, taste in music, sexual preferences, inside leg measurement and favourite type of sandwich. (some of those might not be true)

Do I have to have one?

Not yet but if the current group of Labour MPs who are in charge of our country decide they like them, you will.

I don’t want one.

Tough shit. If they have their way, you will have to.

Fine, I’ll get it and just chuck it in a drawer then.

Sorry, did we mention you will be charged £60 for the pleasure? That’s not optional either, by the way.

Bastards. So what’s the point in it?

Good question. Very little, say opponents and Tory/Lib Dem MPs. It will basically do what a driving licence and/or a passport does at the moment – i.e. it confirms who you are. The only big difference will be the compulsory aspect. And the fact that it’s nice and neat and fits in your wallet. A bit like a driving licence.

So what’s the point of the trial?

Supposedly to ‘see how they go down’.

But I don’t have to have one yet?

No, it’s a voluntary trial.

Are they charging for them?

Yes, £30 in the trial.

So I have to pay but it’s not compulsory?

No.

Ha ha – screw you suckers, I’m just not going to bother then!

Quite. You and the rest of Manchester, probably.